How to have a conversation

Tonight I was nudged (err, pulled) into a conversation about Calvinism with some Arminians. Now, this should have been an hour conversation, but I only had five minutes (‘cause I was on a 10 minute break). So naturally I did my best to give direction to the conversation with the little time I had.

Over the years, I have had, oh I don’t know, hundreds upon hundreds of conversations with all kinds of people. I’ve talked with unbelievers and believers of every flavor in too many contexts to count. The single greatest thing I have learned is how to have a productive conversation with someone with whom you disagree. The second greatest thing I have learned is that most people don’t know how to have a productive conversation.

What not to do: (1) get emotional, (2) be illogical, (3) be mean, (4) jump from topic to topic, (5) talk and never listen.

It took me years and years and years to learn how a good conversation might be possible. I like to start every conversation by giving myself and my opponent a chance to explain our positions – without presenting any arguments. This is essential. You and your opponent must understand each other’s views before you can begin to meaningfully interact. Then, and only then, should you begin to make arguments. Stay on topic, and completely finish talking about one point before moving on to the next. If all this is accomplished, you should be able to establish certain truths and progress until a conclusion is reached.

Scurrying back to the conversation tonight … the moment I sat down to join this conversation these particular Arminians wanted to hear my best argument that would somehow prove all of Reformed Theology. I wouldn’t do it … I mean, I couldn’t do it. I had five minutes for goodness sakes =). I told them I would love to talk to them sometime when I have more time, and hopefully then I’ll be able to set up some informal rules (without calling them “rules”) so we can get somewhere.

Yay for productive convos,
Casey (spelled the right way)