Friend for Life

Friendship. What qualities characterize a true friend? How do I categorize my friends? How should I choose my friends? How good of a friend am I? These are some things I’ve thought about lately.

Over the years I have made quite a variety of friends: acquaintances, hang out friends, good friends, and best friends. Notice that I’ve given a short list of categories to place my friends in. I believe that we automatically place people in different categories like these, even if we don’t always recognize that we’re doing that.

Acquaintances are people I know, but not overly well.

Hang out friends I see in a group, or tag along with good/best friends.

Good friends are those I see regularly, get along with particularly well, and have key things in common.

My best friends are those I confide in. Obviously I spend a great deal of time with them. I look forward to hanging out with them. They are definitely fellow believers in Christ. Best friends are always there for me when I need them.

JJ and I were talking about this Saturday night, and he brought out an interesting insight: all friendships have their ups and downs. What he means is that every friendship has better moments and poorer (is that a word?) moments. You might chill with someone A LOT right as you meet them, then slowly back off for a bit. It might pick up later … all this is common.

But what about those really good or best friends that “grow apart”? I have had friends that were great friends but then suddenly stopped putting effort into the relationship. For whatever reason, they decided the relationship was no longer worth it to them (as a Sociologist might say), so they backed off.

By now I think you can tell that I firmly believe that true friendship involves regular give and take. For example, if a friend needs my ear, I gladly give it to him. I expect the same in return. The effort is reciprocal.

Relationships take a lot of work, do they not? They are only easy part of the time; other times, not so easy. Forgiveness is a must. When I wrong a friend I need to apologize, seek forgiveness, and repent from that sin.

One of my best friends, Eli, has a great saying: “When I have a friend, I am a friend to that person for life.” Amen! I am 100% in agreement with Eli on this! In this brief statement, he summarizes his philosophy of friendship. I can attest to the fact that Eli has lived up to this belief. He has been one of my best friends for over five years. He has stuck with me through thick and thin. We’ve proclaimed the gospel side by side, defended God’s truth against heresy, and encouraged one another in the faith. I hope I can learn from Eli’s example and become a better friend to all the friends God has provided for me.

There is a verse in Philemon where the Apostle Paul describes the kind of relationship he has with Philemon: “7 For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” Wow! What an incredible complement given by Paul! Certainly, I can say this of many of my friends, but I will single out Eli. Eli has been this kind of friend for me. He is a joy in the Lord and I am refreshed in Christ when we hang out at his house (or at Starbucks =)). Let me now say thank you Eli, for being the kind of friend you are to me. Also, to my other friends, know that I deeply value your friendship and recognize it as a blessing from God.

My prayer is that I might bring much joy and comfort to my friends, and that I might refresh my brethren in Christ.

Finally, another humorous test to evaluate who your best friends are: figure out who you want as your groomsman at your wedding? =) (hat tip to JJ). I have a good idea of mine.

The Rusted One